I Do Not Want to Cross

I have spent the last too long trying to force the happy
Now I sit trying to force words onto the page
Forcing the ink through the pen
The thought through the hand
But all it seems to get me is no where
I do not know why black on white comes so hard
Yet I know the gray feeling in my head all too well
I have been on this side of the fire before
But I do not want to cross through it again
So I force the words
And I force the rhyme
I force my thoughts
And I force my mind
To ignore the calling of the One from across
To ignore the need of the Love from above
I do not want to cross
But I know I need to
I do not deserve the Cross
But I know I need it

I have spent the last too long trying to fight the sad
Now I sit trying to fight the urge to be mad
Fighting those happy memories together
The smile that shone so bright
But all it seems to get me is burned again
I do not know why color dreams hit so hard
Yet I know the grey feeling in my head all too well
I have been on this side of the fire before
But I do not want to cross through it again
So I fight the good times
And I fight the bad
I fight the hatred
And I fight my mind
Telling it to ignore the call of the One from across
Telling it to ignore the need of the Love from above
I do not want to cross
But I know I need to
I do not deserve the Cross
But I know I need it

I have spent the last too long not being surrendered
Now I sit trying to crawl back to my Savior
Giving in to that glow of true Love
The Love that covers my despair
But all it seems to get me is peace and comfort
I do not know why the Lord did what He did
Yet I know the grey feeling in my head all too well
I have been on this side of the fire before
But Lord, take my hand, pull me through it again
So I step into the flames
And I hear my own name
I take another leap
And I feel the Savior’s grasp
Holding me close, pulling to the One from across
Whispering in my ear, the creed of the Love from above
I did not want to cross
But I knew what the Lord could do
I do not deserve the Cross
But I thank the Lord for doing it

"It's For The Best" by Straylight Run

And it takes more time than I've ever had
Drains the life from me
Makes me want to forget
As young as I was, I felt older back then
More disciplined, stronger and certain
But I was scared to death of eternity
I was saved by grace
But destroyed by naivety
And I lie to myself
And said it was for the best

And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold
I've disregarded what it was
Now that I'm older
And I know much more than I did back then
But the more I learn
The more I can't understand
And I've become content with this life that I lead
Where I drink to much and don't believe in much of anything
And I lie to myself
And say "It's for the best."

We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come
We're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
And we're waiting on something that will never come